Commentary on an article concerning cheating. By Todd Harvey MFT
I ran across this article on the internet about the top 10 reasons “She Is Cheating On You” and it got me thinking about the causes of infidelity. I agree that the below 10 signs are indicators that something is going wrong, but all of them, especially number 9, could easily be a by-product of getting caught in a nasty emotional dance where both of you are focused on protecting yourselves from your partner rather than really listening and empathizing on a deep level.
If you do become a victim of infidelity and BOTH you and your partner want to work it out, know that it takes a LOT of work, but infidelities can be overcome and relationships can be restored.
For information concerning how to overcome infidelity, check out: http://bayareacouplescounseling.org/overcoming-infidelity/
Below is the article from Askmen.com:
Top 10: Signs She’s Cheating On You
by Eric Heston from Askmen.com
She detaches herself from your family
The fact that she no longer wants to attend your family’s functions or hang with your friends is one of our signs she’s cheating on you. This sign may be indicative of cheater’s remorse on her part, which means that she likely feels guilty about cheating. The less she immerses herself in your circles (which contain people who are painful reminders of her sins), the less mental anguish she’ll have to endure.
She nags you incessantly
Gone are the days when the two of you could communicate with harmonious precision. Now, every sentiment you express sets her off and she finds any excuse to lash out at you.
If such an about-face sounds familiar, she may be subconsciously trying to justify her little tryst. Nagging you helps eliminate or at least ease her nagging guilt. So if she habitually begins to point out your every flaw, you may want to get to the bottom of what’s really going on because it’s one of our signs she’s cheating on you.
She has a mysterious friend
A telltale sign that your woman is cheating arises when a mysterious friend inches his way into the picture. Whether it’s someone she claims is a coworker or an old friend from way back, she keeps this friendship under wraps and is hesitant to share any general details about him, much less introduce you. And it doesn’t take a Ph.D. to figure out why.
She deflects simple questions
You should be suspicious of your girlfriend when she refuses to answer the simplest and fairest of questions or answers questions only after repeating them back to you, which usually indicates a mind that’s searching for a lie. Be wary of times when, rather than reveal that she got home at midnight, she begrudgingly asks, “Why do you want to know what time I left the coffee shop?” If she gets defensive about disclosing information that she used to volunteer without hesitation, she may be hiding something or someone and it’s one of the surest sings she’s cheating on you.
She shifts priorities away from you
If she is involved in a hot and heavy romance with someone else, you’ll definitely feel a shift in her daily priorities. Suddenly, there are no more implied Sunday dates at the movies or something always comes up on dance-lesson Thursday. There is a tendency for most philanderers to schedule meetings with their new flame as often as they can, which results in a complete disregard for previous engagements.
She puts more effort into looking sexy
You may like her just the way she is, but that won’t stop her from trying to dazzle her new fling. Just as you tried to impress each other at the beginning of your relationship, she’ll try to impress her new flame with a sudden urge to improve her style, change her makeup and alter her physical appearance for the new man in her life. So, while her desire to look sexier is one thing, not caring about your opinion on the matter is quite another.
She becomes autonomous
One of the biggest signs she’s cheating on you is her breaking away from your little two-person unit to become more autonomous. She has dropped “we” from her vocabulary in favor of “I.” Moreover, she does more things on her own and stops consulting you about future plans. In short, she conducts herself in ways that hint that she no longer needs you to hold her hand. Whether she’s hoping you’ll leave her or she’s simply looking for more time to lead her “double life,” it’s safe to conclude that she wants you out of the picture — she just can’t build up the nerve to leave you.
She has no interest in sex with you
When your relationship was new, the two of your were full of passion and open to spontaneous lovemaking. Now it’s all a bit iffy, whereby you’re rarely hitting the sheets and you’re only doing so if and when she feels like it.
On a slightly more ego-bashing note, she may suddenly become bored by your performance and appear to be thinking about someone else when you do make love. Cheating may be wrong, but you can’t deny that unlawful sex is usually more exhilarating. So, if you can no longer satisfy her sexually, someone else may be rubbing her the right way.
She’s secretive about her schedule
She may claim to no longer have time for any extracurricular activities with you, yet she has one foot out the door the minute one of her girlfriends calls. Either that or she has been “going away on business” one too many times. And when she does leave, her whereabouts are sketchy at best and you are somehow always the last to know.
Disclosing her itinerary to you at the last minute and overlooking your plans in the process can mean many things, one of which isn’t that she’s forgetting, but rather leaving you out.
You become irrelevant
What could be worse than a girlfriend who nags you about absolutely everything? How about one who stops noticing that you’re even alive? Just as No. 9 on our list of signs she’s cheating on you is a possibility (she nags you incessantly), the opposite could be yet another clue of your loves cheating ways.
All at once, she doesn’t care if you don’t want to go to the ballet with her; she’ll just find somebody else with whom to go. And whatever opinion you may have, be it about how she looks or how you’re feeling, is met with a tepid response. In other words, she doesn’t place the same importance on what you think and what you do as she once did, especially on things that directly affect the relationship.
Keep Jealousy In Check
Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your woman would never cheat and don’t rush to judgment either; if she is guilty of committing any signs on the list, perhaps it’s indicative that something is awry in the relationship. In any case, this is a great opportunity for you to address problems you may not have noticed before scanning this article.
More importantly, don’t let what may just be a bad case of jealousy taint your perception of her. Reading her the wrong way or jumping to conclusions can permanently sever a relationship; get all the facts before you confront her.